Just Breathe..

I wake up groggy.
“ I just went to bed at 12:30am. If this isn’t the real deal, I’m going to be super annoyed…”

“Ugh, I’m so tired, I’ve barely slept the past month, all I want is a good night’s sleep.”

“Hm.. alright, these definitely seem more consistent than they have been.”

“Are these real contractions? Is it actually happening?”

“Whew, ok they seem to be getting a little more intense.. Just gonna try to nap through it.” 

“Ok that didn’t last long..they’re about 10 minutes apart now…This has to be real this time..”

“Alright, it’s been an hour.. I can’t lay here anymore..”

Just breathe..

I go downstairs, turn on Hart of Dixie, Luna follows and curls up on the couch beside me, head on my lap.

“Can I do this? Man, this hurts, just concentrate on breathing through them.. They’re only lasting a little over a minute at a time..you can do it.”

“Should I wake Frank up? But what if this isn’t the real thing and I wake him up for nothing..”

“When am I supposed to head to the hospital? They said once they’re 3 minutes apart? Right? Ugh I can’t remember!”


“ Are they starting to speed up? Is all of her laundry done? All of the bottles sterilized? Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something?

“Are we ready? Do we have everything together? Can I do this? What if I can’t?

Just breathe..

“Do I have everything packed for the hospital? Do I have everything I need for her? Should I wake up Frank now?”

“Seriously. This. Hurts.”

“I think they’re starting to speed up..”

“Or not?”

“Ok, what is gonna help ease the pain? I remember watching videos about walking.. dancing.. showering….yeah right- dancing lol.“

*Frank comes downstairs*
Frank: “Are you ok? What’s going on?”
Me: “I think I’m in labor!”
Frank: “What! Since when?”
Me: “Since about 3am.”

“Ouchhhhhhh..breathe.. Just breathe..”

“I’m scared.. Are we ready? Like actually ready? What if I’m not a good mom? What if we don’t bond? What if I’m not good at this?”

Frank: “Should I go to work?”
Me: “I honestly don’t know.”
Frank: “I’ll go in late.. Just to make sure.”

Me: “I’m going to shower..Maybe it will help..”

Just breathe..

“OK shower is kind of helping.. Wait.. just kidding.. It’s intensifying the pain.. Wrong decision..”

“ Ok.. I feel like I can barely breathe.. The pressure.. Jesus the pressure..”

“Am I going to make it to this hospital? What if I have this baby in his truck, on the side of the road? Seriously.. Am I going to make it 45 minutes away?”

Frank: “I’m not going to work, your contractions are coming quicker now, we need to leave for the hospital.”
“Ok, this is happening.. We just have to make it to the hospital.. I’m so excited to meet her!”

“Just breathe…. Just breathe… Just breathe…”

Sitting here, I remember that early morning like it was yesterday— I can’t believe it was almost 7 months ago.  

Spoiler: We did make it to the hospital and by that time I was already 6cm dilated. They got me into a room, where I was able to get an epidural. The check immediately after the epidural showed I was 8cm and my water had broken on its own. Then, we waited. The epidural ended up slowing my labor down, so they pushed pitocin to speed things back up. Not long after, it was time to push. 4 pushes and I got to meet my daughter for the first time. My entire world stopped in that moment. All of those previous worries melted away as soon as they laid her on my chest. I’ve never felt a love so strong and so immediate in my entire life.

Reagan Elizabeth
7lbs 6oz 20 inches.

Just breathe.

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