“I go to school today, mommy? See my friends?” My two year old asks. “Not today, honey. Hopefully soon.” He is quickly distracted, as two years old are. I’m not sure how well he understands the concept of time, but I know he knows that some days he goes to daycare and some days he goes to his nana’s and now he isn’t going anywhere at all.
Everything is new right now, isn’t it? My work site is wherever I can hold both a laptop and a baby, my entire world confined within the walls of my home. With the exception of mandatory client visits for work, I have not left my house in thirteen days. When I am portioning out formula for my daughter, I feel a tinge of anxiety; I have about three weeks worth, but should I purchase more? In the first few days of the mass panic shopping, it was actually hard to find and the thoughts of “how will I feed my baby?” crept in. Plans have been canceled and stores are closed, social media is full of contradictory information that is enough to make your head spin.
It’s almost becoming difficult to remember what things were like before despite the fact that before was only thirteen days ago. Thirteen days could be a lifetime ago at this point. Thirteen days ago, I didn’t have a panic attack when I had to run to the grocery store. Thirteen days ago, I didn’t have to consider how I would quarantine myself within my own home from my children if I had to. Thirteen days ago, I didn’t count the number of days it had been since I left my house. Honestly, thirteen days ago, I didn’t realize how much I appreciated doing monotonous every day chores. Or how much I loved picking my kids up from daycare and hearing about their days (via the recap of a two year old) after a stressful day at work.
But… on the other hand, ten days ago I didn’t take my toddler to check the blooms on our daffodils each morning. I didn’t go for walks to nowhere, picking up sticks and having pretend sword fights. I didn’t bundle my daughter up, despite the air still being crisp, just to watch the cows in the field across from our home. I didn’t play “Where’s Elsa?” (a game in which you literally run around your house screaming, “where’s Elsa? Not here!” and laugh hysterically) for 30 straight minutes. I didn’t make as many forts. I didn’t act as silly or laugh as loud. I didn’t let my son stay up way too late, or sleep in the “big bed!” with us. I didn’t hand out way too many snacks or watch far too many cartoons, ignoring chores to cuddle with the two little people who are my whole entire world.
Anyone can find a silver lining if they look hard enough, and I’ve found mine in the tiny hands that grasp mine, looking to me for both comfort and fruit snacks.
Yes, all things are new, indeed.
This post was written as part of the March Blog Hop through Exhale, an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to read the next post in this series “All Things New.”